Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas!

Well, Christmas has come and is almost gone.  I didn't win the $50 million on Friday, so I won't be taking off on my trip around the world any time soon.  There's a few other 'Bucket List' items that will have to wait as well.   As I get ready to pack it in for the night, I've been reflecting on how very fortunate I am.  Of course I've been having thoughts like, "What if this were my last Christmas?" and "Will my entire 2012 be filled with all this cancer stuff too?"  I know it's not my last Christmas; I can feel that in my bones.  But, having a recent brush with my own mortality, the thoughts still cross my mind.  If this had been my last Christmas, I think I could look back on it and feel absolutely satisfied.  I have an appreciation this year for the people around me unlike any previous Christmas season.  Spending time with my family and friends is very special.  I haven't been able to see all of my family, or anywhere near all of my lovely friends, but I can be sure that the time I've spent with those I was fortunate enough to see was well cherished.  I only wish I had more energy.

I can't believe how quickly I get exhausted.  I am feeling so much better in general, but man, I get tired fast!  No abdominal cramping, no bowel distension, no bloody stool.  I have aches inside and out from my surgery, but nothing too serious.  Besides, the pain that remains from surgery is WAY better than all the abdominal cramping that I was having on a daily basis prior to.  I am doing my best to eat a low fat, no sugar, high vitamin, natural diet which may be helping my internal issues, but before it didn't matter what I ate, it hurt!  That's probably why I lost so much weight.  I just couldn't eat.  It hurt and my brain kept telling me that I wasn't hungry.  My ribs are showing, I am smaller everywhere (darn boobs always go first), and the extra small sweater I bought for Christmas was baggy.  My stomach shrunk pre and post surgery and my appetite is not fully back, but it's slowly gaining.  I had a big plate of Christmas dinner today that I honestly didn't think I could get through, but I did!  Halfway through I had to stop and consider wrapping up the remainders for lunch the next day, but I kept trucking.  I think half of my appetite problem is psychological.  Food was so uncomfortable passing through, for so long, that I am afraid to eat a large meal.  This Christmas was one of the first in my memory where I didn't sit at the table wishing I had worn my sweat pants.

What a lovely meal it was, though.  We spent the day at my In-Law's.  Gwen came down the stairs in the morning to find a bunch of presents from Santa.  It was adorable.  We spent time opening gifts.  We all got spoiled.  We had a delicious brunch.  We napped.  Gwen kicked me in the gut while napping.  It hurt.  My Dad, Step Mom, my other Dad, and my little sister came over for dinner.  It was so great to see them all and I felt so blessed to have them all in the same location.  Any child in a split family knows how awkward it can be to have different sides of the family in the same room, but it was a house full of love and laughter today.  My two Dads get along just fine.  Always have, in my memory.  It has been a dream of mine to have my families come together for Christmas (so that I wasn't driving half way across the lower mainland on Christmas day) and I finally got it this year.  What a great present!  Do you think it was because of the cancer? Hee hee.

I asked to say Grace at dinner, which I totally fumbled through.  I think I was anxious to show my appreciation for all of us coming together.  I know I keep driving home how loved I've been feeling since I was diagnosed, but I just can't help it!  I have been taking every opportunity to let people know how much I love them now too.  Life is too short!  Why wait until someone is on their deathbed to tell them how you feel about them?  Let's do it now!  It's amazing how a relationship can be nurtured and bolstered when you share how you feel about someone and why you love them.  If there is one wish that I have for all of you out there, it's that you would tell your friends and family this Christmas Season what they mean to you.  It's hard at first, but it gets easier the more you say it.  I love you.  I love you, I love you, I love you!


No comments:

Post a Comment